Grown-up girlfriends : finding and keeping real friends in the real world

by Erin Smalley and Carrie Oliver,
Tyndale House, 2007

Now this is a book worth reading on the subject of female friendship. Much better than the book I reviewed last August. Co-written by friends, Erin and Carrie, the book tackles a variety of subjects, including:

• levels of intimacy
• self-knowledge
• boundaries
• differences
• communication
• forgiveness
• letting go, and
• growing up

Along the way, each author shares personal stories of friendship successes, challenges, and failures, and each chapter concludes with questions for reflection.

A few highlights:

• I found it helpful to think of the "basket system" of friendship - not all friendships are of equal depth, and once one determines which "basket" a particular friendship belongs in, one better understands its limitations and/ or the expectations one can reasonably have within it.
• Most women have fears, and we all certainly have buttons that others can push. The authors show us how the fear dance works, our own roles within it, and how participating in the dance is unhelpful if we truly want to make and keep our friends.
• The section on conflict and confrontation is particularly helpful for those of us who prefer to avoid either at all costs. Successfully working through conflicts strengthens friendships and enables them to grow deeper.

I highly recommend this book to all women, but especially those who may feel lonely or friendless. It is possible to find friends, keep them, and be enriched through them. Smalley and Oliver show us how.